Choose Water Better Than Reality TV

Dozing for a nap, I dreamt I moved to an apartment where my friend melanie lived.It was a reality show where you had to stay in the house and follow their rules for a month. If you stayed, you would get $2.00 and free rent at your residence for a year.
It was horrible.

There were cameras everywhere and you weren't allowed to say anything "bad" about being there on the show. There was this mean woman who worked for the network that would come by and be all strict and controlly every few hours. I didn't care for her meddling. There was a line of different bottled waters on a shelf that were the sponsors' products. I liked a kind called "choose." It was a sparkling mineral water and pretty tasty. I hated it there though. Everything was decorated white and moderny. You could only have so many items that you could bring there and buy while on the show. Everything had a point system too. Like certain items were worth a certain amount of "points" that would all add up to your limit.
The group competing was pretty boring.
We just sat around. They hardly talked. It must have been lame to be watching the show. I didn't like being bored. I was trying to think of things to do for better ratings. I started making up games and projects to do, but every time it would start getting good the mean lady would interrupt. The first day was so horrible that I decided that I would leave. The $2.00 and free rent wasn't that important compared to my happiness. I just hated being confined to that house!
We all went to some convenience store for the show--some project or competition or some lame reality thingy. It was near a church that had beautiful operas and amazing architecture and huge statues of wiccan goddesses and saints. The city was old, cold, and built of many stones and plants. It was strange to be in such a beautiful city yet stuck on an ugly show. I was determined to fly the coop.
We were all given 2 points worth to spend at the store while there. Since I was "new" on the show, I had tons of points still. I got a "choose" water and a fig newton bar. I don't usually like
fig bars, but for some reason it sounded pretty good and healthy.
Then I told my friend I was outta there.
I took off out the front door and didn't look back.
I had a whole city to explore!

Ocean Stones and New York Pears

First I was at my childhood home in Sacramento. My dad had converted the garage into an art studio which sat nestled within the back yard garden and patio. As I approached it I knew it was not real, simply because we haven't lived there for 8 years or so. Regardless, I entered and it was exactly as I remembered it: bright, tidy, decorated with strange objects, filled with tools and art supplies, and showcasing his latest works. Only I knew in the dream that my father was dead. So I was there to collect the belongings of his that I wished to be mine. I found three strange doll-like heads, a couple sentimental christmas decorations, a few scraps of his drawings, and an amazing collection of stones. The stones were collected because they all looked like the ocean, the way it meets the shore. There were deep blues that faded into lighted sea greens, then a patch of foamy white lapped against a dusty sand color. They were all a little different, but were all beautiful, smooth, and tranquil. One even looked like a view from outer space at the vast blue ocean and the dark green continents. One was too abstract for me to discern, but I knew that it represented the ocean for my dad wouldn't have collected it if it didn't. I put rollerskates on and dashed away onto a smooth paved road on a college campus where some geeky guy tried to "walk me" to my destination. I skated to a remote area, thanked him, then took off in the direction I wished to go in.
Next I was in New York where Trevor and I had just moved. He was driving me somewhere with all my bags packed. I was on the phone with my sister telling her I was taking a boat to Rome. She asked how I could afford it and I said it would only cost $18 because I recently took a boat to Canada--some place called Ohknov, or something like that-- which only cost $18. It dawned on me that Rome would probably cost a lot more and that I really didn't have the money to travel anyway, so I asked Trevor to turn around. He was irritated, but did it. I announced that I would take the subway downtown instead, since I had never taken the subway downtown. That sounded like a better thing to do that day anyway. I was a bit tired. We parked the car in some neighborhood and began to walk to the subway station. Along our walk I saw a house that looked familiar.
Inside the house were two ladies whom we had known back in San Francisco or Sacramento. They were sweet. They were people I didn't really want to hang out with all the time, but it was nice to see them still. Their house had ochre walls and dark wood trim. It was a real house, not a tiny apartment. I liked it. They had a small tree growing right beside where we talked that caught my eye: a bonsai pear tree with gigantic ripe juicy pears hanging ready to pick. I inquired and they allowed me to pick one. I chose one not too big and not too small. I sliced it so we could all taste it. It was overall pretty sweet and juicy, but there were moments of mashiness. Trevor ate a huge chunk and smiled.
Next we were sitting on the ladies' couch with some guys I used to be friends with from Sacramento. One of them I used to date, the other was just an old friend. The one I used to date was an amazing artist who had recently become a born-again Christian and had gotten married. He looked about 13 for some reason. I asked how his art was going and he said he had stopped it all. He showed me the last piece he made: pinks and reds with white contour drawings of couples fucking, with a small photograph of his naked new wife with her enormous tits. I told him it was weird and especially strange since he's all born-again now. He shrugged it off. I left.
I was then on a bus talking to him on the phone. He kept on wanting to "get back together again" and I kept on saying "no way, Jose." When I explained that I had a boyfriend now and that it was creepy that he's all born-again, married, and not doing art anymore, I realized that the phone had cut out and he didn't hear any of it. Oh well. I got off the bus and simultaneously bumped into Trevor who was backing up in the car. He smiled and I hopped in. It was amazing timing. And as I buckled my seatbelt I realized that we didn't live in New York; we lived in San Francisco, so the "subway downtown" idea was out. Then I was excited to just go home.
Lastly, we went to a barbeque of sorts at night, on a street corner. Everyone was there. And for some reason everyone had huge bags of Doritos. I snacked on all the different flavors. That guy I used to date showed up and I was trying to get rid of him, but he kept wanting to talk about "us." I was annoyed. I took off quickly and found Trevor again. He was standing against a chain-link fence eating "Nacho Cheese" ones. A tan, smooth, belly-full, gay naked man with shades on took a place right next to Trevor. Trevor smiled and fed him a Dorito. The man smiled and opened wide again for another one. Trevor fed him another one. Then he fed Trevor one. Then Trevor pulled out another one to which they both bit down on the same Dorito. We all laughed. It was funny. John Baez showed up with the largest bag of "Cool Ranch" Doritos I had ever seen. He had torn into it and offered me some. I reached in and they tasted so good. Then I woke up.

Jesus Reincarnate

In my dream last night, I was the daughter of an old rich couple in the late 1950's who lived in a small, planned community. All of the houses were angular, pastels, with large lawns and pools. I met a woman, she turned me into Jesus' reincarnate. I sipped from a blue and golden holy grail goblet and became immoral, magical, and eternal. I stepped out into a large crowd of blue and gold robed holy people and followers who stood in a circle in a gymnasium-type room while I glided around them holding up the grail. I felt like Jesus, I mean I really felt like I contained his soul and his spiritual vision. They all treated me as such. I began silently blessing the people of the neighborhood, while remaining incognito with who I was. My parents fell back in love and were more kind than I had ever remembered. But it was a lot of work, more than I could handle. I felt the weight of the world upon me. And, while it was nice to possess a magical and holy spirit, the cost was far too high. I met with the woman again, in front of a rose-lined sidewalk, and I gave her back the essence which had made me Jesus. I was sad to give up my immortality, but I knew it was the right thing to do. And besides, I had done a lot of good while I had the power, and that felt like it had been enough. And also, deep down, I knew that even though I had technically given up the immortal life, I was still gifted with a blessed life that would outlive many others because I had sipped from the holy grail and healed so many people. So I guess I was still kinda immortal. Then I woke up. Thirsty.

Long Walk Into Hippieville

Dreamt that I walked all the way from Sacramento to Auburn, or was it Folsom, or was it Placerville--I forget. It was a long walk. I brought Trevor's parents along with me. When we got there it was like the French Quarter of New Orleans, small alleyways with little shops, cute little houses, restaurants, and even a couple of blocks of Chinatown that all intersected at where we stood. After poking around a bit, me and two other people--not the parents--continued our walk. We started hiking up into the hills. There was a trail made of smooth pink glass-like rock, almost as if the trail had been moulded by a hose of extreme heat or sculpted by Gaudi. We went past a few little towns in this way, until we reached a place that looked like New Mexico. It was a small hippie commune with a few shops and lodging. I met some people there that reminded me of all the new agers I used to hang out with when I lived in Sacramento. I liked that about this place. People with magical eyes would look deep into your soul and know your goodness intuitively. They took me in and I stayed in a dorm-looking room for almost two days. All of the food places were vegan/raw type places, even the coffee shop was raw somehow. A girl with glowing green eyes took me to a place that made everything out of yams. It was delicious actually. I had rice with yams, and yam fries. After that town, we went further up into the hills into a place that was lush and tropical. I was with only one older woman now who knew someone who lived up here. We found a wooden gate and entered. We went up and up through little decks with eclectic mixtures of potted plants, towels, sun umbrellas, chairs, more potted plants, wind chimes, clay sculptures, each level was the same sort of catalogue but arranged differently--but in a very livable way. We finally approached a wooden patched shack that resembled a yurt. A large woman was there, and suddenly Trevor's parents were back with us. The woman offered us candy. We said yes, unaware that she was giving us edible doll candy from the 60's that had dirt all over it. We scraped the dirt off, bit into the head, then discarded the rest. Me and Trevor's dad were disappointed because we were hungry after all our walking. They left and the large woman was suddenly beautiful, like an aged hippie with long silver hair in braids and wearing flowing clothes with birkenstocks. She had a daughter that was very sweet and pretty, unaware of how noticeably hippie and natural her home was. We had tea with her and looked out onto the lush green landscape and all of its flowers. Then it was time to go and it was just me. I made my way down the maze of decks, tiptoeing around the pots and towels and chairs, past an outdoor shower with the little girl's flip flops beside it. I kept on descending until I reached the gate that lead to the road home. Then I woke up.

The Grocery Farm and Stevie Nicks

I worked in an open-air grocery store that had a giant garden the size of a farm with rows upon rows of different types of plants and flowers. Some plants were in pots, some in the soil, and some were separated into small indoor greenhouses. There were a lot of workers on the grocery farm, and I worked with my uncle Jerry watering all the plants. It was my first day on that job, but I had had so much experience with plants that people were really excited to have me and trusted my work. I basically just constantly alternated between filling up watering cans and scouting out new areas where plants were dry as a bone, thus quenching their thirst. There were tons of strange exotic plants I had never seen before, and plenty of old favorites. It was very satisfying to know that every single plant on the grocery-farm was watered. During the day I had realized it was a Saturday and I wasn't required to be there that day, but I didn't care because I liked the work so much. Towards the end of the dream I was over in the vegetable/cacti/bonsai/strange unidentifiable plant area. While I watered those I overheard some old farmers talking about how I kicked ass at my work. That made me feel good. At the edges of the farm there was this quaint little country road where a cottage sat nestled next to a giant tree that had autumn leaves all about it. There were a lot of people going in and out of the cottage and I found out that it was a Pot Club. And then across the way, beyond the farm, there was a big crowd of people waiting to hear a concert that had been put off, rescheduled, put off again, and rescheduled for the afternoon. It was Fleetwood Mac that was to play, and Stevie Nicks had been flaking a lot. Then all of a sudden I walked over there; there were all these booths set up--some were advice booths, some were selling stuff like tamales and jewelry. All of a sudden I was Stevie Nicks and I had finally arrived to perform my songs. There weren't very many people left in the crowd because they had all grown impatient. But there were some, and they cheered when I took to the microphone. I apologized for all the craziness, and then started to sing. I sang their favorite song first... although I can't remember what it was. I sang all of her songs, even old forgotten songs like "Landslide." In the middle of the set I was greeted by one of Stevie Nicks' old boyfriends. He was all old and scruffy, but their love was still strong. We french-kissed and decided to get back together. His new girlfriend wasn't too pleased, but we didn't care. He dropped a music-sheet with a love poem on it, and I knew we'd be happy together and we'd get our life back together. Then I finished singing and people cheered. It was a good day.

Warm Purple Field

we were then at our old nextdoor neighbor's house.
she was an old woman with white hair, her husband had already died.
the house was perfect and beautiful and simple.
the house faced a large upsloped plot of land
with a couple of magical trees and a field of purple iris' and wildflowers.
my sister and i stood in the middle of the field, just taking in
the beauty. the trees were covered in springtime leaves, with shades of green and red dancing in the sun.
on top of the hill there was one tree; old and without leaves.
there was a whole in the trunk, a perfect circle that allowed me to see through to the other side, a sky blue and pink.
i felt warm and at peace.

Fluid Farmscape

there was an aerial view of a large vast landscape. and suddenly, as if flood gates had been opened, the landscape became filled with rushing herds of human societal creations. let me explain, instead of rushing water over the landscape there were rushing buildings, roads, farms, animals, houses, gliding fastly over the soil and dropping in their places as they went. like when you pour wood stain over a plank the last drop settles the farthest away, leaving a trail of fully soaked in wood behind. a city such as manhattan was dropped off, and lastly out in the rural area a farm with a small pond and a house nestled at its edge. i was a resident in this house. i was a man. i had a wife and two daughters. somehow one day one or both of them wandered off and discovered some secret about the land and way of life, like perhaps they knew it was a strange place. we had to get them back and look them in the eyes, mouthing something undiscernable, to snap them back into our life. we did. the house was old, falling apart, but cozy. we had a maple tree outside that was changing colors, dropping leaves. we soon had neighbors, many, and roads. then one day, everything changed. we stepped outside, about to go on a long vacation-like journey when the landscape was changing before our very eyes: like a vacuum, sucking up the pieces on a carpet, all the animals and old farms were being taken away. in their place were troves of cars and metal and industry and high-tech newness. sweeping across our land was the next phase in the timeline of humanism. and there was the maple tree, changing colors, leaves gathered at its base.

Haunted Kitties

was on a camping trip. it was very cold. our city of tents were insulated. i found four kittens in my tent. they were so small. i put them in my apron pocket. we had some creature attempt to invade our tent, but only because we were in a spot that we weren't supposed to be; next to giant pink flowers with monkeys on them. there was a large house. all the parents were inside. i walked in with my little kittens and people thought they were cute. there was a gray one, white one, tan one, and red one that i called rusty. then we were living in the house, i always had to keep an eye on the kittens and my mao. all these annoying kids lived there, like a punk house, and it was dirty. at some point we had to leave right away because bad people were coming. we had to leave via the fire escape. i had to collect my favorite t-shirts and jeans, and all five of my cats, and get out. trevor and i left that scene and moved far away to the south. we bought a gigantic 20 bedroom mansion that was haunted. the attic was our favorite. it had so much light, wood, and details. there was a small wooden disc that was removed to show the floor beneath us, i quickly found the lid and covered it back up. the other rooms were still furnished and quite spooky; lots of lace, dolls, that kind of thing. the walls were dirty, torn, stained light torquiose green. There was a great hall area with an indoor water pond area. there were many steps that lead to the entrance of the house. we were so excited to have a place of our own. kelly was there and so was lathan, perhaps they could stay with us. all of a sudden people from the old scene started to pull up and visit us. we were upset that they found us. then tons of people started showing up, and vendors selling food and drinks, and all sorts of partygoers showed up. we were so mad and frustrated. while trevor and kelly and lathan were upstairs checking out all the rooms, i was in the main hall yelling at everyone to leave. yelling at them to leave. yelling at them to leave. telling them they were not invited and had to pack up and go home right now. right now. right now. i had to make constant rounds to get people to leave. after awhile, a third of the people were left. i called the cops. they started to help. one asshole guys wouldn't leave. he began swimming in the water area. i was so mad. two girls dressed in victorian gowns shot each other. i knew that the large crowd would eventually lead to violence. finally people began leaving. the cops helped. they tear gassed. haha. it was interesting that as the dream progressed the house became larger and larger, and the crowd became larger and larger too. and by the end of the dream the kittens were no longer an issue.

Mafia VS Mormon

Dreamt last night that my family was in the mafia. My husband and I were deeply involved and could not get out of it without terrible results. The only way to get excused from the mafia was to become a devout Mormon. So I began scheming. The head-guy's son was a Mormon. He hung around the lair, but was not part of the mafia. I hooked up with him and told him I was curious about God and was considering becoming a Mormon. He was elated. He began teaching me, testing me, and showing me the way of the Mormon--which was somehow similar to Hinduism? Strange. He gave me a sister-Mormon to be my buddy. We always had to enter our worship room with bare feet. Then we had to do prayers and movements on a special rug. All the while I was faking it. But they believed me. My husband announced to the Boss that I was a Mormon. And soon he would be too. Thus began our escape from the mafia.

Magical Serum on Horseback

There were two little girls-- one older than the other, a dog, and a cat. With them I was riding on horseback. The older girl was dying; she was not from this planet and needed a special syrum to survive. We rode to a large mountain upon which a structure stood. I left my caravan at the bottom and ventured upwards. The structure was set up like an ancient Greek gallery where columns stood and fire-lights burned dim and mysterious. There was almost a "quest for the holy grail" vibe in this sanctuary. On the walls were five large paintings, or so, which depicted various heroic scenes. The figures within the painting moved, sort of like Harry Potter paintings. I chose the scene at the far left, beneath which there protruded a tap that resembled a bathtub water nozzle. I turned it and proceeded to fill a bottle with syrum. I had only filled a third of the bottle when a man who emitted a knightly persona told me that I could not have any syrum. I tried to reason with him but he was stubborn. At that point I pushed him down and ran. I quickly scaled down the mountain and gathered my travelling companions onto the horse and we rode away. We rode for a long time. We stopped at a modern house where an asian woman sat with her three kids who immediately wanted to play with my two girls. The woman's husband assured us we were safe and offered to give us a ride to where we needed to go, which would have taken us a half hour. I refused and stood by my horseback transportation. We soon left and rode off into the nightfall of the forest.

Sea Lion Babies and Shower Genies

I was friends with the Spice Girls. I met up with them at a rehearsal and saw them perform. They were great, I remember thinking...although I cannot recall what they sounded like. Next thing I know, I was on my way to have coffee with an ex-boyfriend, when I got side-tracked and checked out an old furniture store. Once inside, I found the mecca of vintage lamps and dressers. There were almost too many to choose from! Claire was there, she was scoping out the goods long before I got there. I wandered around and browsed at all the rare books and records just packed into the place. The store seemed to go on forever and ever. In the way back of the place there was a giant room filled with marine life pools and labratories. There were giant vats of "starter life," which included salt water with tiny fish and microscopic organisms. All you had to do was mix the starter life with handfuls of creatures and bacterias from various tubs nearby. My mom was there. She had mixed a handful of squirming worms, centipedes, and corn into hers. It grew into a crazy mixture of life. When she added the mixture to my starter life, the creatures ate everything and there was nothing left, not even water! So I made another batch without all the worms and stuff and after awhile some pretty little fishes developed. And suddenly tons and tons of seals and sea lions emerged! They were my babies, kinda. They wanted to suckle. I almost offered them my breast, but then someone handed me a fake nipple and they went at it. One was the biggest and it really liked me. I left for a bit and when I returned I saw that their tank was low on water, so I had to keep filling it up. I left again and when I came back the tank was broken. Some had died without the water. But some survived. I quickly transported the survivors to a large tank with small fish to eat and they were happy. Next I was in a great hall, still part of the same building, with tons of women. They were all there to be massaged until they had orgasms. Angelic women in white tunics would call their name, one by one, and whisk them away into a room and they would be massaged. One girl's was over very quickly, another's took a while. Some men were there, and they were whisked away too! One woman was there with a pregnant belly, but when I got closer I saw that it was an intertube with water inside that contained some of my seals and sea lion babies. I thought it was strange, but I shrugged and told her to put the oldest one in its own tank. The lady wasn't ready to take it out of her intertube. Oh well, I thought. There were five lines of people in the room, separate from the people about to be massaged. They were all waiting to see something that looked like a shower head. You could ask it for something, anything, like a genie in a bottle, and it would grant it to you. A small woman I knew was unhappy in her marriage because her husband was a drag queen, but they still liked each other. I went with her to the shower head, like she was a child, and I helped her ask the thing if she could please meet someone new but still keep a relationship with her drag queen husband. A shower of water sprayed on her and that's how we know it was granted. A minute later she bumped into some guy and they instantly hit it off and left the place together. Wow, I thought and was happy for her. Then I sat back down and watched the intertube lady. Then I woke up.

Mexican Taqueria

i was in mexico. ate at a ecclectic taqueria with karen and mom. there were christmas lights, neon beer signs, a tv, various plants and wall-decor, and a small counter where you order. i was figuring out how to order enchiladas and chips/salsa in spanish. i said "wret jaffir" which asked for more mild salsa and chips. then i was in a corridor where we were staying. it looked like peru. it was open-air and looked out onto a small village below a large mountain. an ocean was to the right. there were a lot of trees and green lushness.
then i was with professor lunine. we were crossing the street. he had a briefcase with him. he said that we should go get a burrito. we went back to the same taqueria. he stopped at the bar counter inside and asked to buy some smokes.
then i was in turkey. birmingham, turkey. there was a pasture. i was herding cattle in israel. the pastures blended near the borders of italy and egypt. there was a sacred site where pyramids once stood. it was smooth white stone and a fountain was there. it was near a strange old tree.

Mud Monsters and Celebrities Eat Pasta

i was in another city-- cold and perhaps in the scandinavian countries. there were deep mountains and forests. or was it summer? it was at least overcast and thick aired. there was a hotel. i had to get to it. there were large golem-like mud monsters out there, and especially Inside of the hotel where my people were. I got in. There was some pandemonium. The monsters spotted me and were chasing me. There weren't scaly and ugly, rather smooth, angular, round, almost like sculptures with big round black puppy eyes. But they were frightening and ruthless. They were also not that smart, but could sense where I was. I ran into a large large warehouse size library. It was like a maze in there so I thought I could lose them. I hid ontop of a book shelf. It found me and tried to knock it down. I got off it and ran through the book maze. I guess I finally lost them.
Because I went upstairs to find that I was having sex talks with Samantha of Sex and the City. We were getting along great. There was this young man, really really sexy. I think we messed around, but I don't remember. Me and Samantha were almost one person. Then she had to go Act. I was on the set, behind the scenes. I was then hanging out with Charlotte. We were the best of friends. Laughing, watching her put on her makeup at her vanity in her dressing room. Were we friends or was I there because I won some contest to hang out with them for a day? Unsure. Then I was with Carrie. She asked my opinion about a hat. I chose one that she didn't like as much. The stylist agreed with Me. We all walked out to where they were shooting. It was in a subway. Steps lead downstairs to the platform. I wasn't allowed down. But she went, wearing the hat I had picked. I caught a glimpse of myself-- I looked horrible. I was back to the short brown hair, no make-up, weird outfit. I felt suddenly not so close to those celebrities.
I was next in the wilderness. With a group of people, on an island. We had to hike to a secret town called Kulapa or something similar. We tried to hike there, but couldn't find it. But then I was with a different group of people and we tried again. Once we found the trail head, we were in a canopy of trees in the middle of the island. It was cut and clear. There were a dozen of trails stemming off of one trail-- the trail that lead to Kulapa. We took it with confidence. It said to take it for 1 mile. We did. It ended at a clearing that looked like we were in the country side. Sylvia was there, doing my tiny little roots blonde again. There was food, people talking, little structures here and there. And I think at some point I saw a cable car go by. We had perhaps taken a long route to a supposed "secret" spot that was perhaps closer to our lives than we thought. Not so secret. But perhaps overlooked?
Then I was at dinner with a woman. She was an unhappily married woman. We were discussing new ways of sewing my bags so that the sides wouldn't fray. I had dark tiny-floral patterned fabrics. We were ordering. We sipped lemonade while our food was getting cooked. We changed tables to seat her husband and another younger woman. It was almost Victorian times, yet not because we were ordering italian food and pasta from a restaurant. I had bread, garlic bread, pasta pomodoro with no meat because the only meat they had was in a can and beef! And I think I ordered a small salad and a dessert. The younger woman next to me was paying for it. I felt overwhelmed by food and couldn't chew it all fast enough. Then older unhappy woman was getting mad at me because me and her husband got along better than they did. He was helping me with my sewing. I had a handful of sewing pins and was pinning the sides of the future bag pattern. It was almost as big as the table! He was enthusiastic. The woman left. Food was coming out soon. I was still chewing the appetizer bread. I was almost too fed with food.

Penguin Afterlife

i was deceased
well not really
but was allowed to follow the deceased
we were headed towards a place like harlem
where all the houses were like rows of doors
up little steps
narrow and squished
but it had been overrun
by gardens and nature
at house number 1250
at the old woman's house
who never woke up
nor left her bedroom where her tv droned quietly
flickering on her comotose face
that was were the portal was
the portal to the after life
the only place where a person like me,
alive, could enter
i was with a male and a female transient being
upon entering the first thing i noticed
was the building that housed the new coming
deceased beings, it was made of metal
all stainless steel interior
billions of stories high i am sure
for each level housed all the deceased
from each species
there was a floor just for humans,
just for aliens, and just for penguins.
this is where i was to go.
penguins.
there was a giant cold water pool made
specially for them to make them feel more
at home, more alive
it was here i met my destiny in a way.
i called out to it. a him or a her, i am not sure.
but we shall say He for now.
he called back to me in a language i quickly picked up
and mastered, a sort of telepathic whisper.
the penguin leaped out from beneath the pool
and into my arms
time stopped.
it was as if i was at last complete.
all i had ever missed or searched for
was retrieved.
my child, i thought.
my soul, i thought.
my everything of goodness.
this creature made me feel better than
anything i had ever experienced my whole life.
so we sat there
catching up
hugging, cuddling, dancing.
smiling and just feeling the goodness.
everything was wonderful.
but i knew i could not stay.
for i was not deceased.
it was not my place.
and oddly it was not the penguins place either,
but somehow it was just okay to find him there.
i returned several times.
always calling out to him
and feeling totally elated once he was in my arms.
my child, my dearest creature.
upon the last time i remember visiting the penguin
the three of us entered the old woman's house
as we were in her old creaky living room,
she stirred. she awoke.
and we froze in our positions.
what if she saw us??
but she couldn't, for we were dead... but i wasn't,
only masked by the power of the beings i was with.
i held a watering can, and as she crept into the room,
i gently let it down.
she saw it move.
she stood, as if at a seyonce, and called out to us
that she knew beings were here
and she could feel us
and what did we want
the male quickly threw up a big blue glowing square
that he called the blue tooth
it was the regular portal into the after life
we jumped in
this was not the portal that allowed non deceased in
this was the usual portal for all new coming souls.
the two beings made a distraction
so the guards that stood solid by the gates that resembled
a subway terminal, could be distracted
i crept past, a silent alarm went off that someone non deceased
was entering, but it was too late, i was in.
i rushed to the penguin floor
and found my darling.
there we were together and swimming in love.
but he grew quiet, almost non tangible.
perhaps moving on to the next plane.
so i left
and i saw all the floors of the afterlife,
particularly interested in the alien floor, for many
strange creatures were gathering there...
who and what the penguin was, i shall never know,
but i will always love him and cherish what we had.

Planetary Tadpole

I dreamt last night that I traveled to another planet. While there I found a little blue tadpole in the water. I took it home with me to Earth in a glass jar filled with water. It was my little secret. It grew. Then grew and grew and grew and pretty soon it was almost as large as a Blue Whale! It had a head like a Hippo but the body of a white, spotted whale. It was fierce, but so sweet and loving to me--it would let me scratch its chin and it loved me so much...I was like it's mama. Later in the dream there was a vegetable garden being tended by me, my mom, and Butters from Southpark; a Cost Plus candle/bowl aisle; an intelligence contest where I (as Hermione Granger) had to define Skull and Crossbones, Christopher Lloyd (who leaked the answer to me and who then begun conducting labratory experiments.) It was a wild night.

Glowing Red Stone

was in a large old mansion with many tricks and eerie mysteries many rooms once occupied by family members a monster or ogrely ghost lived there once a sibling of the house a room was downstairs where dozens of vicious cats lived a guarded it with barred teeth another room with spikey grass there were secret stones there a young princess girl had most of them not all we sat in the forest within the house next to a fresh stream with many rocks and autumn leaves i found a glowing red rock i thought was a secret stone yet as it dried it was not though inside a woman had written a message from ancient times to her love. i felt trapped and scared there yet intrigued by mystery and lore..

Medieval Storm

we were in some dark medieval city
dark with no street lamps
no fires or pillars of candlelight
nothing
except a vicious storm
wailing and pounding sky
drenching us with rain
we were being chased
by strange gargoyles and magicians
flying in the air
lurking in strange corners
we hid behind a statue for a moment
before being pelted by a flock of arrows
and sticks with feathers on the tips
ready to strike us with venom
we ran
we ran as fast as we could
somehow knowing where we were going
to the church
to the sanctuary of the nuns and priests
and others alike
we were alike
they would give us refuge
their walls were impenetrable
literally so strong that
not even an atomic bomb could blast
through those walls
a shrouded man answered the door
which towered over us at least 20 feet tall
dark rusted iron
he let us in
we filed into an alcove
marked off by curtains
we were like orphans
cots and a long table facing a television
books to read and playing cards
warmth
and safety
i stood in the threshold
the building was massive
along the super thick stone walls
were panels that resembled
the entry door: extremely large
and rusted iron
the immense hallway of sorts
ran at least a mile down
upon reaching the end who knows
what else followed
it was as if an entire colony could exist here
peacefully
withstanding whatever chaos thrived outside
the building wore armor
rusty tall thick dark armor
yet held elegantly vaulted stone ceilings
that gave one a sense of comfort
speaking of comfort i retreated to the alcove
where others had made themselves comfortable
there was a soft table in the corner
surrounded by curtains
a woman, about my age, sat upon it
she was about to be examined
by a man who was an expert
doctor of female anatomy
she was getting examined
while i stood living vicariously through her
he realized what was going on and
at once i was replaced on the table
i lied there
in my dressing gown
covered by a simple sheet
exposed
and the curtains were being rustled
people unaware that there was
an examination going on were brushing past
curtains clinging to their fabrics
i felt naked and humiliated
but worse i just wanted to know if i was okay
something was wrong
something about my insides
but what was it
he said i was dry
it was to cause complications
for what i wondered
shortly answered it was a pregnancy
i needed mucus to have a healthy pregnancy
the curtain kept on moving
fellow refugees could see me
and my genitals
so i ordered the curtain be shut once again
it was shut
and this time
i was wet
like a fountain
the examiner seemed quite pleased

and then i woke up.

Gemstone Subway Maze

New York in Autumn. Leaves yellow and orange, speckled streets. I was going to a show without a ticket. Barbara Walters was going to. We paralled as we walked up the street to the spot. I told her I was broke, hoping she'd buy my ticket. She didn't. I entered into a dark room where many people sat and stood, watching a flickering screen showing someone's new film. A band playing softly and indescribably in the background. My friend was there. She demanded a ticket. I thought she'd be cool and just let me stay, but she wasn't. I left and was relieved to not have to be at the show. I had more pressing things to do, such as fight the battle that had started in the city. I met up with the large group of people whose side I was on. We were out front of a small building with lots of windows. You could see that inside there were long aisles of cages and a black and white checkered floor. Lots of scientists with white coats held clipboards and checked things off as they visited every cage. Me and a few others strategically entered and went opposite directions inside. When I got to the back wall of the store, the mean guys entered. One guy threw gemstones at me that exploded and ricochetted all over. Some of them broke cages, some of them broke tanks with strange creatures inside. Rubies, emeralds, sapphires. These bastards were bastards because they were trying to kill animals and creatures. I hated them, which is why I joined the group. One of their gemstones shattered a case of glowing orbs with heads inside of them. The heads were evil and were released into the city. We got the fuck outta there. Next thing I know we were running through the streets trying to find a place to hideout. Our organization was wide-spread: there were busses, vans, trucks, spies, headquarters, all over the city. We all went to different places. Me and a few others went into a dark, vine covered apartment with a phone booth, table, and closet inside. We waited for a moment, but it looked as though some mean guys had followed us. We rolled down a ladder in the closet and went up and out. The secret passageway went to the subway system. But there was a secret maze within the subway system that could only be accessed by a handful of secret locations. It was lit by flourescent lights and had tiled walls and lots of staircases. There were lots of street urchins and thugs who used the maze. They were harmless though. We were really worried that the mean guys would find a way in, which they did. We ran a lot, up and down these staircases, sometimes fighting meanies and sometimes bumping into our people--which was a relief. It was easy to get lost and to run in circles in the maze. I passed one of the other access points where a lot of thugs were coming in. It was a senior citizens aerobics class. In the storage closet was a guy who was always fixing something. Beyond him was a blue curtain and when you pulled it back there was the door. I encountered a large open space, dark, lit only barely by a fire in a garbage can. A woman dressed like early Madonna in a leopard print jumpsuit and skirt was singing into a PA system. There was a man with her, just listening, probably sleeping with her. I approached her. I had met her before. Same scenario. I was about to utter the friend whom we had in common, but she recognized me first. We hugged, I felt her waist, it was small and the jumpsuit was too tight. I realized I had been separated from my group. The area I was in was large, two-tiered, very dark, and bustling with transients. But I could hear fighting in the distance, somewhere in the maze. I stood frozen, unsure which way to go. Then I heard a song. A band was playing across the way. It was my people, and one of them was my boyfriend who fought on the good side too. As I walked closer, I saw that they were all there. All of us. It was like a check point. When I arrived in full view there were smiles, soft waves, and sighs of relief and commradery. I caught intense eyes with my boyfriend, then sat down. A man approached me and grabbed mmy arm, told me to get up and practice with the gemstones. I was new and didn't already know how they worked. I had to grasp a mental image, crack the tip of the gemstone, then throw them hard. I couldn't get it to work. I tried to imagine a full moon, a blazing fire, but nothing. Then a mysterious yet familiar figure through a ruby at me and it froze in mid-air as a mental picture: large, bright, gleaming, strong, and personal. That was my image. Then I understood the gemstones. And when I did, a large bright golden gem-encrusted staff flew to me and I became the most powerful fighter on the team. We heard the mean guys' shouts from the farthest staircase, and we knew it was time to move.

Indian Boy in the Niche

I was in India last night. It was bright, golden, warm, and dusty. I was with a young Indian boy; he was showing me a temple. Inside there were small niches closed off by delicate silk curtains. They were all empty except for one where a middle-aged American sat. He wore a burgundy robe and was waiting for his teacher to join him. He noticed I was observing him and he told me that the reason he was there was because he was trying to change his ways. He was a low-income property owner in New York and had been charging his tenants much more than necessary so that he could make a buck. The man felt terrible and had pilgimaged to India to sort out his affairs. The young boy took me for a long walk down a dusty dirt road, passing little villages and stray animals. He told me there was a young Indian girl that he liked, and who also liked him, but they were both to shy to do anything about it. We arrived at a festival. There was a large carousel-size ride that was like nothing I had ever seen before. Two gigantic donut-shaped bubbly air-filled rings sat on top of one another. They were constructed of various colorful linens in a quilt-like pattern. The balloon-rings spun around in opposite directions and people bounced around on them, or just held on for the ride. It was great fun. The boy spotted the girl he liked, but she ran off. He was about to be sad when he met eyes with another Indian girl. She had curly hair and was not shy about her feelings. They disappeared together. I continued to ride until I felt sick. I decided to leave the festival area. To leave, one had to stoop down under a giant flat concrete slab that the people had erected to remind one of the infinite challenges in this life. After inching out from under the slab I looked to my left: there was a sculpture of George Washington carved into the mountain side. Some Indians were singing the American National Anthem. I thought that was strange. I then ducked into a home bulit into a hillside. Inside two of my friends were meditating. We began chatting when all of a sudden a horrible dust storm whipped up and clouded our vision. It was harsh and felt like needles whipping at our cheeks. We all left in a hurry. I separated from them to find my little Indian friend. He was resting in a small, dark niche in a common area. There were dark red cushions and a dark red silk curtain. The ceiling was low and contained a window that looked out upon the great desert. There were a dozen or so niches like this that resembled a restaurant with booths lined up. I asked him what he was doing in there. He motioned to a pair of black sandals and a scarf laying on the opposite cushion. He was waiting for the curly-haired girl to meet him there. He was anticipating his first time having sex. I realized that perhaps that was these niches were used for most often by teenagers such as himself. I asked when she was arriving and he said she was out with her friends first. He showed some frustration and asked if we could leave. We hopped onto a grimey bus and began to talk about first-loves.

Train to Big Brains New Body

I was at my childhood house where my sister was showing me a "lost kitten" poster she had seen that day. On it was a photo of a black cat named "Kitty Talk" but who also responded to "Milo." I intuitively opened the front door and the black cat stood peering up at me. I took it into my arms and brought it inside. As soon as it entered an old lamp appeared. It was undoubtedly haunted as whenever we asked the cat where his master was the lamp light would flicker on and off. Somehow we knew that Kitty Talk belonged to an old, thin asian man with a gigantic head. We hopped on a wildly fast train to find the man. For a brief moment the trained stopped in a forest where we climbed about an old wood stucture. The cat was racing around and we were absorbing information about the asian man. He had been a scientist involved in a conspiracy. Something about power, chemicals, trains, and tanks. The train continued and soon we approached a tunnel where the train broke down and was stopped. We got off and found a large, rusty white tank laying across the tracks. This is what the asian man had been working on. And, somehow the scientists had found a way to make the whole scene invisible--except to us because we had the cat. We came to find out by a few scientists who were still there that the man had died, but not really. His brain was alive (hence the gigantic head) but the body was only temporary. We decided to build him a new body. We all took-on different parts of the body. My sister was working on his esophogus, another woman working on his intestines, another screwing the new heart onto the aorta, and so on. While this was all being done, my job was to keep the blood pumping. I would push down upon the heart and then immediately push down upon the abdomne; this ensured proper blood flow into the new body. As the heart pumping continued, we realized it was about time for the brain to go in. The cat was nearby and the asian man was approaching. And then I woke up...

Ugly Girl Gets Free

i had a strange, almost historical dream last night:
there was poverty, war, inequalities, and families being separated from their kin. everything was dirty, murky, and soiled. industry rang loud.
a boat was leaving. a baby was thrown overboard into the filthy river.
a man saw the child and took pity. the boat allowed for him to grasp the baby.
he then raised it. it was a baby girl.

next, the girl was all grown up.
she was ugly and big-boned. my perspective came from hers.
she was imprisoned like many other girls like her.
they were all barefoot boarding a school bus to transport them to a facility.

later, a huge bus was taking more girls to another place.
there were two girls getting married: my girl, and another.
we were allowed to go free because we were getting married.

the rest is a little fuzzy,
these girls were impoverished, malnourished, and not very smart.
their futures looked dim.
but there was hope for my girl.
at least she would be free.
but i am not sure what she would do with her freedom.
she was very unhealthy.

but things can change.

Underwater Sea People

had been guided by a cartoon blue friendly creature underwater to a house in the middle of ocean. i was to find the source of a mysterious energy and bring whatever it was back to the "people" i was in cahoots with. there was a girl; thin, blonde, distraught, solitary. i could sense the power of the energy resonating close by. i made myself known. we fought, i strangled her, then released her. i told her what i came for. she didn't understand. she searched her belongings. while she did that, she told me why she was there: she had a husband and a brother. she had been messing around with her brother, only to find out that her brother had been messing around with her husband. she was in conflict and hysterical. so she had been sent there on a retreat. she gave me a special lock, a tour guide made by her sea people for vacationing on land, 2 special lighters, a strange remote control gizmo, and what she called "hatch" which was also the source of the energy i was to locate. they were large rocks that resembled serpentine. i put them in a plastic bag and into my sack. she gave me instructions for slipping past her people's customs gate and back into my own world above ground. i slipped back into the moonlit waters where my friend met me. i could breathe underwater when my friend was there. and we could talk, though it was muffled. we entered the "freeway" of the underwater people which was a pathway for all of them in their travels. we entered the customs arena. it was like a large bank room with many tellers facing the entering person. the girl had told me to hold up the lit lighter and wave it upon entering. "they like that kind of stuff," she had said," they are a little spacey." they allowed us to approach. i got a male teller. he asked me a few questions which i in turn revealed that i had been vacationing. i flashed the tour guide the girl had given me. "very well," he said, "i shall let you pass if you can find me a picture of a bee." shocked but desperate i began flipping through the book looking for a bee. i found a picture of mickey mouse in a bee costume and said, "i think this is a bee, right?" he smiled spacily and let us pass. we entered a strange jet stream and was spat out at a shore dock. my people met me there and i gave them the rocks. trevor was there, and jay too. i showed them the weird remote control thing that the girl had given me. jay said it meant we could go do anything in the world that we wanted to. there was buttons for underwater breathing, flying, tele-porting, astro-travelling, space travel, etc. so we chose to go to a beautiful place in laos that jay recommended. we had to say the city name and country while holding the remote a certain way. then we were there. beautiful hills of flowers and dunes. we liked this toy. next we were underwater in the water freeway again. our friend was there again too. we went through customs with ease and into a spiraling jet stream to yet another place. things were wonderful and magical. then i woke up and was hungry.

A Ghost and A Wedding

dreamt i was living in another city. a bit futuristic, and i was older. i went to go visit my dad. he was living in a small basement apartment, it was light filled and simple. he was there, in bed. i lied down on the coudh and began asking him how it was that he was there as he had died many years prior. we were talking about how he was there, but not fully there. that he was dead, yes, but his form could exist also. he said he was not the same, but very close. that the afterlife contained the same basic elements, which meant he could go back and forth. he was there, he said he loved me, but he was also distant. it was difficult.

then, i was going to a wedding. i was wearing a magenta pink dress and sunglasses that saw in color. my sister was there wearing a similar dress. it was her wedding. my mom was there, and so was my dad. trevor was there as well. we were all in magenta. i brought the corsages. i pinned one on everyone. white tropical flowers with pink centers. karens had palm leaves too. we all wore sunglasses that could see in color. no one wanted the leftover pair i had that saw only in black and white. we had a large dinner then went to the hall. aparently the wedding was not for karen and emil. they had been separated and she was marrying some other man. i held the baby. emil took the mic and went on a tyrade about how hurt he was. karen stopped him and her fiance took the mic and claimed that it was his wedding and he was not going to let emil ruin it. the wedding proceeded. i was having fun holding orion and tried to make him smile.

Traveling Stars

what i wrote down in the middle of the night:

was gonna stay in austin and go to switzerland. i dressed up pretty.
then it got dark, sloppy, and sad. the science in the stars helped.
we were with japanese friends. scientists gave us a star show. trevor wore a top hat. we were in austria. there were drugs. i could see the star nebula.


how i remember it when i woke up the next morning:

we were in scottland or england, staying at a nice hotel. we went for a walk and saw many corridors and people shuffling about. i realized i hadn't been prepared, i left all my money at home! we were then in another country, staying at a man's house. he was a magician, japanese, scientific. it looked like scott campbell's house.
we went for a walk down the old roads. it was dark. i stumbled upon a dimly lit street restaurant. there was trouble. i ran away. met up with my friends where the scientist was drawing maps of the stars and opening up the cosmos to show us a nebula.

Witches Brew

dreamt i was magical. the earth was over. i was there on the bay bridge, it was dark, everything was crumbled, we were the last. we went to a new land. me and a few friends were witches and we were on a mission. we were on a campus community trying to locate a mean evil powerful witch. we found her but she captured us. inside of her house i stole her magic hat. i then flew up into the sky to continue the mission. i flew all night long. i made a few stops here and there, but flew and flew until i reached a top secret location. i posed as the witch and delivered an artifact in exchange for a scroll. it was a map, a secret map filled with answers, but unfortunately i could not decipher it. i flew back towards my friends. i flew over a field of wizards in training with purple merlin robes. i disguised myself as an owl.

God in the Form of Einstein

she was a maid, a french maid.
she wore a corset that pushed her breasts
up towards the night sky like two full moons
her skirt was short enough to barely catch the
smile that her butt made as she walked
and legs long and sleek hugged tightly
by transparent black stockings with a
dark black seam up the back that shot
up into the unknown regions of her underside

she busily flittered about the dark office chamber
with walls of windows all 1 foot exactly
and showing through to nothing in particular.
it was a starry night that night
and she found herself pausing every so often to
gaze at the swirling milky way above

she had visitors
a group of young scientists and people of no striking
gathered around her
she felt no shame that her skirt had been accidentally
tucked into her stockings after her last visit to the ladies room
and her bare ass shone brightly as it bounced while she walked towards them.
they muttered many things
but she could not hear
as their voices seemed to be muffled or muted or
perhaps her ears were plugged by an unnamable source?
she wasted little time to ponder this
for she was being pulled by yet another strange force
outside of the office
to the sidewalk

the night was cool
very dark save for the sky
and chaos slowly moved about her
frame by frame
a car in the back parking lot
sank below the pavement
quicksand, she thought,
yet when she floated towards the hole
she realized there was only emptiness
blackness, and silence

she retreated to the gathering of people
who remained at the sidewalk
and had now blocked out their presence entirely
for the sky was doing something particularly strange
she dug two fingers into her stockings and reached against
her ass to find the bit of fabric from her skirt that
had been tucked away and pulled it out
letting her skirt dance freely once again upon her

she gazed up at the starry sky
that was now twinkling and stirring
it was as though a chef was stirring a pot of stew
that was the sky
mystified she stood there, dropping her feather duster
which made no sound as it hit the cold cement
the sky grew brighter, the sparkles more intense,
and the colors became vibrantly red and pink and yellow
suddenly a strike of panic flooded through her
as a planet began to formulate amidst the starry soup
it grew bigger and bigger and bigger
until it seemed to fill the entire sky

she took a step back onto the grass that cradled the sidewalk
and tried to look away
but she was unable to ignore the steadily growing planet
above her
it grew big enough for her to see the lines and cracks in its surface
and its streams and mountains
though it was grower still more red
like lava was engulfing it
she feared it would explode
and before she completed the thought
the planet began shaking
and all the red rivers flooded with a swift and fierce movement
and in an instant the planet exploded, bursting fragments from all angles
her consciousness faded
and became black.

she awoke
as she opened her eyes
her vision had become fish angled
and foggy
she was in a white room
without hesitation she rose
and was guided by two formless and faceless beings
who walked her through a series of rooms
that appeared to exist in a house or office
there were many figures there
some on telephones
some at their desks
some leaning against bookshelves
there was a slight breeze, she noticed
as curtains blew with a calm sweetness
that for some reason made her feel safe
and humbled
she was not in her usual attire
but in long flowing fibrous linens
she was lead into a heavily guarded room
where an old man sat quietly wearing similar garb.

he sat with his head looking down at a scroll for a moment
before looking up at her
she felt the man prying in to her mind
she felt naked, more naked than when her ass was
bare in front of all the onlookers at the office
but there was something very familiar or mystical about the man
that made her release her guard and let him flow freely
throughout her mind
he began speaking
without words
through her mind
they began communicating through visions, images, and concepts.
she had asked in a way what had happened to the planet in the sky
and what had happened to her
he made it very clear that it had been earth
and that its time was up
for he had made several mistakes with it
but that she had been unharmed
and sent to see him
for she was very special
i am what you call god, he said
she sat silent
i am the creator of the physical universe, he continued
and am making another earth
i will show you how i make the earth, and planets of the like.
come here and sit next to me

she floated towards him with no effort
and sat quietly, without a sound, next to him
before them lay a scroll
with lines patterned like a protractor
showing many degrees and angles
and strange scientific symbols
from the periodic table she recalled from grade school
revealing various elements and such
the lines were all drawn with a loose gold powder
he explained that these were all the components of the universe
and how he used them to create the planet earth
he explained briefly
that this section contained the 4% helium, and 6% hydrogen,
and that section contained the percentage of mammals to insects,
how many humans and such
until all she could comprehend was a fast forwarded image
of the entire planet earth and every single atom interacting with one another
as one time lapsed film
a blur, a blink, and a notion so charged and brief that she
was left mute
with more knowledge of the planet and the universe
than she knew would fit into her pretty little brain
with one look
he blew on the scroll
and as her consciousness faded the final image
of the gold powder running into the wind
became darkness.

she awoke with her feather duster between her legs
as she lay face down in the grass beside the sidewalk
outside the office where she attended to and had regular
affairs with the business men who worked very hard there
making deals and screwing people over
she pulled the duster from beneath her
and dusted herself off
she pulled the neckline of her blouse down and gave
her round breasts a little push up
which gave them their usual heir of power and feminine deity.

she resumed her usual duties of dusting the window sills
in her black patent-leather stiletto heels
and had almost no recollection of the events she had just experiened
besides the image of gold dust blowing into her body,
which she pondered quiet eerily as she moved about.

she was on her knees and her ass waved proudly in the air
knealing beneath a desk so as to clean the underside of the table
revealing the dark crack between her legs and just below her butt
as she felt a strange pull towards the outside night whose
darkness rang a mysterious tone in her insides

she started recollecting the strange groups of visitors
and the starry sky
so she followed this vague ambition
and found herself
on the cold hard sidewalk
staring up at the sky
painted with twinkling signs of the milky way
she stood motionless for a moment
before she began breathing heavily
breasts heaving and beads of sweat forming
on her brow and underarms
she began panting and rubbing her eyes
for the sky sprouted a planet
much like the one she now remembered she
had seen before
it grew bigger and bigger and bigger just like it had
so big that it filled the sky
she took a step back
her stiletto dug into the soil of the grass
and she slipped both heels off
standing with her little feet on the ground
only barrier her stockings
which had ripped against the cement

the planet grew redder, pinker, and the stew of stars and gasses
stirred around it, twinkling and shaking
the lava streamed lines began overflowing and spurting out
onto the surface
and the planet was bursting like a ripe tomatoe
when suddenly it popped and her
mind went black.

she awoke sitting upright in a very small and confined office
dimly lit and only large enough to fit a small desk 2 chairs, nothing else
behind her she felt a queue of people behind her, but saw no one but a fog
her vision once again fish eyed.
when she turned her head to face the desk she was surprised to find
a woman seated before her
dark hair, large eyes, smiling red lips.
the woman reached into her mind
and spoke to her
she said, i am what you call god
i am the creator of the celestial realm of existence
the existential and spiritual manifestor
i design purpose and destiny and things of the like
i would like to tell you what your purpose is.
may you step forward to me here
she felt herself float effortlessly to the desk's side
alongside her was the presence of her sister
whom she had not seen for many months
they did not acknowledge one another
but instead simply knew that each other was there
the woman handed her sister a burgundy hand towel
with a word or two embroidered in the fabric
her sister stepped back into nothingness
and was no longer beside her
the woman then handed another burgundy hand towel
to her, it read "truth"
she turned to the woman
and said something similar to
of course truth, that makes sense, the ultimate purpose
is to find and be truth
is that all?
no of course not, you are special my dear, the woman said
look here,
to the left of the woman
a small patch of starry sky appeared out of nothingness
like a thought bubble in a cartoon
and hovered 3 demensionally next to her
look closely,
she leaned forward, eyes fixed on the starry scene
nothing happened for a moment,
but then a small sliver of light appeared
and got larger, like a tear, or a rip
light seemed to pour out into space,
very delicately
and the tear grew no larger, but remained steady
this is you, the woman said
you are the keeper of the universe
you are the knowledge of the here and there
you know the physical and the celestial
you are the tear between them both
you are the communicator between them both
you exist just as this tear in space exists
the river that must be crossed to know of either one
this is you
this is your purpose
and this is why you are special.

without a word or thought
her consciousness went black
and she awoke face up
legs and arms spread far apart
in an empty field near a playground
she rose and dusted off her knees
which bore a pair of jeans
complimented by the sweatshirt
and cap that finished the rest of her body
she began walking
not knowing exactly where to
and found herself at the mouth of a trail that she
intuitively knew lead through a forest and
eventually to a coastal shoreline
she followed it without hesitation
listening to the quiet dripping of fog
upon the leaves, the pitter patter of needles
of pines dropping to the soft duff along the trail
and the sweet and eerie melodies of the birds
and creatures who bustled amongst the trees
trees of ancient and godlike demure, she thought
time did not exist
so for how long she had hiked did not matter and was
of no consequence
she arrived at the shoreline
of a beach cradled like a half moon
a rich layer of silver fog nestled there
only feet from the sandy floor
there were bits of drift wood and banks of shimmering rocks
and wet stones drying next to crunchy rubberlike strands of seaweed
she stood and gazed at the surrounding forest that towered over the
beach like wise elders

a pelican swooped before her and directed her attention to the surf
where something was stirring
a whale!
she saw its dorsal fin
sink back into the ocean
her eyes were fixed upon the crashing waves
where it had dissappeared
it came up again, this time bringing its entire top half above the water
it shone its eye
and for several moments, or several centuries for all she cared
they looked at one another
she saw the sweetness and compassion within the whale
they spoke without speaking
and it sank slowly into the waves once again
it came up after a while and showed her its
fins and flukes
and for one last time
brought its head above the water and hovered
sharing one more gaze with her
one more communication
that left her feeling naked
so naked as a planet, a blade of grass, a tree, a pelican, and a whale.
and the fog lifted
the whale never to show itself again,
and the beach fully populated with humans
sun shining brightly against her rosy cheeks..